I am just going to start with a little about myself.
- I am 29 years old.
- I have been married for 8 years. 9 years next month!
- I have 2 kids. My son is 2 and my daughter is 9 months.
- I am a stay at home mom.
Six months ago, if you had asked me to describe myself. I would tell you that I am content. I have used the term "Hobbit" before. Bringing out my inner geek and love for Lord of the Rings! Lol! But in Lord of the Rings, Hobbits are just small people who are quite happy where they are and don't have big dreams of anything outside The Shire, where they live. They are content. I am content.
My husband is the opposite of a hobbit and has the biggest dreams! Nothing is too big! No task is too much! He is not scared to try new things or to learn new things.
I am a creature of habit and do not like change at all. I am just content......or I was.
This summer, I really started feeling different toward my marriage and my life. I hated everything about it. I hated being married to my husband, I hated being a stay at home mom. I started CRAVING change! I could just feel this pull from down deep inside me of needing something to change.
I picked fights with my husband. I dreamed of going back to work. I wanted more than what this life was giving me. Which could not be more out of character for me.
My husband and my Mom both told me that they thought that I was having some depression issues. I did not, and honestly still don't, agree. But I saw my doctor. He was unsure if I was having clinical depression or situational depression. But he agreed to put my on an anti-depressant and see if it helped. I had horrible side effects from it and stopped taking it. I didn't tell my husband that I was on it until the side effects got so bad and I had to explain what was going on. I just didn't want any outside input. I went back to the doctor and he put me on something different. I have been taking it for a few weeks now. I really don't feel anything yet but I guess it can take several weeks for it to work. But in the meantime, I have decided to commit to be content again. I hate feeling the way that I was. So, I decided to change my attitude. I.am.blessed. I have a husband who is the hardest working, smartest man and the BEST daddy. He provides so that I can be at home with our children. I have a son who makes me so proud every single day and a daughter who is just the happiest little girl around. Parents who love me unconditionally. I.am.blessed. I have had to start focusing on what I do have instead of what I don't have! So, that explains what Contentment Commitment means.
It's interesting to hear this perspective because I didn't know you were feeling that way just from facebook. Makes sense for you to keep it private there- just shows that there's always more going on behind the scenes. Hoping you get it figured out, whether it's chemical or attitude or perspective or spiritual. Also glad you are blogging now. Hope it's therapeutic for you and looking forward to getting to know you better this way!
ReplyDeleteI try to very careful what I put on Facebook. But yes, you are right, there is always more going on. I am really enjoying blogging. Thanks for giving me a little nudge! :)
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